April 1st. The bane over every (or at least this) seniors existence. I'm actually writing this post moments after midnight due to anxiety and jitters, and well, my normal insomnia.
But later today, shortly after 5 PM to be exact, I find out whether or not I've been accepted at my first choice college.
I'm freaking out!
I've already been accepted at five schools so far, one of which is literally walking distance from my first choice, so if I don't get in, I'll be okay. For the most part.
My ultimate goal was/is to end up in New York City so I can continue to pursue a career in Fashion Journalism. I can happily say that is it stands right now, that dream will become a reality, and no matter what happens later today, I will have the chance to live out my dreams.
Still, it's difficult having this outlook. My high school is the definition of competitive, and at least nine people have also applied to my first choice school, three have already gotten in, one of which is my arch nemisis, and has greatly contributed to my senior year being as awful as it is.
I can handle not getting in, but I can't handle not getting and having him get in instead of me.
Sure it's probably selfish and petty of myself to look at it that way. With the competitive nature of school, and the tension between us I can't help but feeling that if ithe latter scenario happens (which to be perfectly honest, it looks like it will despite all the wishful thinking in the world) it ultimately will be me losing. To him. Again.
There's something about putting everything on the line, taking a giant leap of faith and then loosing it all that makes you so much more determined and ballsy.
There are seven weeks of high school left. It's time to make the most of the time that's left. I know I've slacked off, and I haven't been as into the process of working on the issue (the process of blogging for that fact) but in these next seven weeks I plan on fully making this issue happen and making it super.
I feel in my heartbeat that my first choice school is the one for me and that's where I belong and have to end up, just as I feel in my heartbeat I'm destined to have a career in fashion and be the next great fashion editor. So what beats harder? What beats faster and with more urgency? The one I can control, and the one I make happen for myself, not a random committee.
Earlier today, or yesterday rather, I along with close friends celebrated our achievements before the drama goes down today. It's easy as life to get caught up in the other things and forget what we already have and what means most to us. My arch rival going to my first choice college while I go to the one down the street does not define who I am. My work, and the life I lead for myself defines who I am.
This is the moment. The moment where I embark on the next phase of my journey. This is the moment where I gain perspective on what and who's important to me. This is moment where I step outside my box and do the things I've always wanted. This is the moment where I live my life in Vogue.
So to the Admissions Committee, it has been my sincere pleasure to apply to your school. It is a wonderful institution that builds strong people both academically and personally. I understand the difficulty of the admissions process, and I understand there are other kids out there who want this as much as I do and are equally if not more qualified. I also understand that I am a wonderful person, and regardless of your decision I will continue to be, and I have much more to accomplish in life. I am one of a kind, and I am a treasure, and I will make it and I will make it my way. I will walk with my head held high, and with pride, and I will congratulate myself on all that I've done so far just as I will look with anticipation to the next challenge, and I know that I will win in the end. So I thank you so much for this wonderful experience. I will never forget it, I will always appreciate it, and it's made me who I am.
This is moment for your decision to arrive. Whether it's a yes or a no, this is the moment when the rest of my life begins, and no ones gonna stop me now.
